Casino Night Puns

by admin

Viva Las Vegas! It’s the entertainment capital of the world, with shows, music, gambling, and much much more. Whether you’re there to gamble, to catch a show, or just to see the sights, Vegas is a great place to make some memories (even if they have to stay in Vegas!) and that means taking some great pictures and videos for your Instagram feed. But once you have those pictures, you’re going to need some snappy, catchy, or just plain literary quotes for your captions. That’s what we’re here for, so let’s get started!

Love for Las Vegas

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  • “Las Vegas looks the way you’d imagine heaven must look at night.” – Chuck Palahnuik
  • “Vegas is everything that’s right with America.” – Drew Carey
  • “Man, I really like Vegas.” – Elvis Presley
  • “Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.” – Artie Lange
  • “Las Vegas is sort of how God would do it if he had money.” – Steve Wynn
  • “A little bit of this town goes a long way.” – Hunter S. Thompson
  • “Las Vegas is the savage heart of the American Dream.” –
  • Vegas is the answer no matter the question.
  • Keep calm and go to Vegas.
  • Life is more fun with games.
  • Vegas, here I come!
  • City of lights, smiles, and memories.
  • “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas … but that doesn’t matter when you live there.” –
  • Here I get a break from my own thoughts.
  • Viva Las Vegas
  • Shiniest place on Earth.

Oasis City

  • “Las Vegas: all the amenities of modern society in a habitat unfit to grow a tomato.” – Jason Love
  • An oasis of fun!
  • Desert rose.
  • The shiniest mirage.
  • Figurative and literal oasis.
  • “The view from the window, particularly if you enjoy neon, is extraordinary.” –

Vegas Shenanigans

Casino Night Puns
  • “What happens in Vegas, I’m telling everyone.” – Dane Cook
  • “There’s just no quiet in Vegas.” – Barry Manilow
  • “Boy, you get greedy in Vegas.” – Louie Anderson
  • “Every time I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.” – Artie Lange
  • What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
  • “Buy the ticket, take the ride.” – Hunter S. Thompson
  • Alcohol you later!
Casino night puns
  • I would just like to apologize in advance for my behavior in Vegas.
  • Goodbye reality. Hello Vegas!
  • Meanwhile, in Vegas…
  • “The secret of Vegas is that money is boring. Hence all the bluster.” –
  • The sky’s the limit.
  • “Everyone was going to lose their money at some point. You may as well do so half drunk and at the mercy of a pretty smile.” –
  • Sun City

Lady Luck

  • “Luck is believing you’re lucky.” – Tennessee Williams
  • “Luck be a lady tonight.” – Frank Loesser
  • 0% Luck – 100% Hustle
  • May good luck be your friend.
  • My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, then people would stop dying.
  • I make my own luck.
  • “If I lost all, at least I would have played for it. It had always been my philosophy that one must play, or be a loser two-fold.” –
  • The night is on my side.
  • You don’t need luck when you’ve got these skills.
  • “Everything’s a gamble, love most of all.” –

Gambling Galore

  • “May the flop be with you.” – Doyle Brunson
  • “If you can’t beat them, bluff them.” – N.R. Kudelis
  • Life is a gamble.
  • Life is like a poker game; it’s not what you’re given – it’s how you use it.
  • “I don’t gamble, if you will concede that poker is a game of skill.” –
  • Let the chips fall where they may!
  • “All life is a gamble and our lives are the dice we throw.” –
  • Keep calm and play poker.
  • “The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.” –
  • “It’s hard to walk away from a winning streak, even harder to leave the table when you’re on a losing one.” –
  • Never bet against the house.
  • Going to Vegas and not gambling is like going to a restaurant and not eating.
  • Because if you’re not winning, then what are you doing?
  • “It is impossible to change your luck. But, you can always change the machine you are at!” –
  • Go rich, come home richer.
  • “Life’s a game and men the gamblers. They’ll stake their whole pile on the one chance in a thousand. Take away that one chance, and – they won’t play.” –
  • Poker face.
  • “The greatest risk is not taking one.” –
  • Snake eyes!
  • “Gambling isn’t fun; winning is fun.” –

Vegas Flicks

  • “Why can’t we remember anything that happened last night?” – The Hangover
  • “Why don’t you give me half the money you were going to bet, we’ll go out back, Ill kick you in the nuts, and we’ll call it a day.” – Vegas Vacation
  • “You’re either in or you’re out. Right now.” – Ocean’s Eleven
  • “I haven’t seen so many side burns since West Side Story.” – Honeymoon in Vegas

Vegas in Literature

  • “Las Vegas suggests that the thirst for places, for cities and gardens and wilderness, is unslaked, that people will still seek out the experience of wandering about in the open air to examine the architecture, the spectacles, and the stuff for sale, will still hanker after surprises and strangers.” – Rebecca Solnit
  • “Everyone is a bender away from oblivion.” –
  • “I came to see that Las Vegas is not a freak but is, instead, deeply integrated with the rest of the country, and the world beyond. It is symptom, mirror, metaphor.” –
  • “One more cockeyed optimist thrown under the reality bus.” –
  • “I love Las Vegas because it’s the one city less classy than Los Angeles.” –
  • “The people who say New York never sleeps must have never visited Las Vegas.” –

Gambling Quotes

  • “It’s like gambling, somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where you’re going to end up the next day. It could work out good, or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice.” — Jim Morrison
  • “I’ve never been to Vegas, but I’ve gambled all my life.” — Ryan Adams
  • “You must work and do good, not be lazy and gamble, if you wish to earn happiness. Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.” — Anne Frank
  • “There is something about jumping a horse over a fence, something that makes you feel good. Perhaps it’s the risk, the gamble. In any event it’s a thing I need.” — William Faulkner
  • “Life is a gamble, at terrible odds. If it were a bet you wouldn’t take it.” — Tom Stoppard
  • “Love is a gamble and sometimes it hurts, but whether you win or lose being in love is a beautiful thing.” — M.J. Abraham
  • “If you know you’re worth nothing, only a gamble with death can gratify your vanity.” — Don DeLillo
  • “I looked to the ceiling and told God, “God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my permission.” — Kristen Ashley
  • “Time is our gambling partner on the other side of the table and it holds all the cards of the deck in its hand, we have to guess the winning cards of life, our lives.” — José Saramago
  • “In my life, I’ve learned when to let shit go and when to fight. This, babe, what we got, I’ll fight for.” — Kristen Ashley
  • “Maybe that’s why adults drink, gamble, and do drugs – because they can’t get naturally lit anymore. Maybe we lose that ability as we get older.” — Matthew Quick
  • “Women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” — Gloria Steinem
  • “I generally find,’ Clent murmured after a pause, ‘that it is best to treat borrowed time the same way as borrowed money. Spend it with panache, and try to be somewhere else when it runs out.’ — Frances Hardinge
  • “Never kiss a girl whose brothers have knife scars.” — Robert Jordan
  • “What is life if not a gamble? — F.E. Higgins
  • “Whisky, gambling and Ferraris are better than housework.” — Françoise Sagan
  • “I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.” — W.C. Fields
  • “Life is gamble, It’s harsh and painful most of the time, and it’s not for the timid. Spoils go to the victor, not to the one who doesn’t even show up for the battle.” — Acheron
  • “Gamble everything for love, if you’re a true human being.” — Rumi
  • “Everything’s a gamble, love most of all.” — Tess Gerritsen

Now get out on that strip, live a little, and up that social media game.

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Short Casino/Gambling Jokes


    Last night I got thrown out of the casino. I completely misunderstood the crap table.
    __________________________

    I know a guy at the casino who won’t gamble. He just watches the games and makes mental bets. Last week, he lost his mind.
    __________________________

    The wife of a doctor rang the casino to get her husband paged. They refused. The house didn’t make doctor calls.
    __________________________

    At the casino I lost so badly I had to sell the car in the car park. The people at Hertz are going to be really angry.
    __________________________

    I’m going to the casino tonight. I hope I break even. I need the money.
    __________________________

    Crown Casino in Melbourne is very “high-tech”. They’ve got special areas, like the Oak Room and thew Mahogany Room. Alice Springs Casino, on the other hand, is a little more basic. They’ve got the Chipboard Room and the Corrugated Iron Room.
    __________________________

    In Vegas, they’ll bet on anything. One casino was ready to let me bet on whether I’d win or lose there.
    __________________________

    Launceston must have the quietest casino in the world. I played poker. It was what I had to do wake up the dealer.
    __________________________

    As I walked in the casino, I passed some Siamese twins on their way out. I said, “Did you win?”
    They said, “Yes and no.”
    __________________________

    I had nothing to do, so just for a laugh I went to the casino. In three hours I’d laughed away my car.
    __________________________

    The dealers at Sydney’s casino really hate you winning. I won $100 at roulette and the croupier said, “I’ll toss you, double or nothing.”
    __________________________

    I walked around the casino with a pocket full of chips. I’m still trying to get the smell of vinegar out of my trousers.
    __________________________

    The casino in Alice Springs is a bit backward. They don’t even have Keno. Instead, they’ve got as girl who comes up to your table and says, “Okay, I’m thinking of a number between one and ten…”
    __________________________

    With gamblers, they say a fool and his money are soon parted. What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
    __________________________

    I think gambling was invented as a tax on people who are bad at mathematics.
    __________________________

    I think gambling is a great way to get nothing for something.
    __________________________

    'What'll you have, Normie?'
    'Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.'
    'Looks like beer, Norm.'
    'Call me Mister Lucky.'
    __________________________

    Rodney Dangerfield joined Gamblers Anonymous. They gave him three-to-one he wouldn't make it.

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Casino Night Puns

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